The Softest Gym In America?

After spending the last month or so abusing the free trial passes at various Seattle gyms, I broke down today and got a membership. Thanks to Costco, I was able to get a 2 year membership with the much hated 24 Hour Fitness. This will be my 3rd tour of duty with 24 hour Fitness.

I can already anticipate your next question. Why would I return to a gym that I dislike? Several reasons.

1. The best gym is almost always the closest gym. 24 Hour is the closest gym to my new home. The further a gym is away from your home or work, the more likely you’ll find reasons not to exercise there.
2. Costco offers 2 years for $300. No fees. No negotiations. No nonsense.  That is $12.50 a month.
3. Due to the feminization of fitness in America, there are very few rust gyms left.
4. I have learned to funnel my rage into the weights. Seeing stupid things at the gym makes the weights seem lighter.
5. Bad gyms are the best inspiration for Tales From the Glitter Gym, my ongoing collection of stories from the modern gym.

Back when I was in Queen Anne, I had to file a complaint with management to get them to return the 105 pound dumbbells. Most gyms go up to 120 pounds. I’ve been to gyms where the dumbbells go up to 200 pounds. Heavy dumbbells are great for 1-arm rows and Farmers Walks. In the back on my mind, I believed that 100 pounds was the line in the sand when it came to dumbbells. No Glitter Gym would ever go below 100 pounds. Or would they?

At the 24 Fitness Express, the heaviest dumbbell is just 75 pounds. I was stunned. For a brief moment I thought I walked into Curves by mistake. Not only did the dumbbells only go up to 75 pounds, there was quite a few things missing.

1. No incline bench for barbells.
2. No squat rack.
3. No belt for adding weights (dips and pull-ups).
4. The fixed weight barbells only went up to 80 pounds!

Of course there was no shortage of worthless cardio equipment. When the gym is lacking, I go MacGyver. I grabbed a 40 pound dumbbell and walked over to the pull-up bar. Then, like a monkey, I pinched the dumbbell between my feet and proceeded to do pull-ups.

There are other 24 Hour Fitness clubs I can go to. The Express version isn’t going to cut it.